Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
