So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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