fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Randomize
