Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
You're so nebulous sometimes
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Randomize
