did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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