But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
