You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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