what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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