Kiss
Puke
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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