is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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