He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
whose ass print is on the piano?
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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