ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
