Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
