he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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