We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
