return my video game
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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