You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
