Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Randomize
