walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Boobs are out for the taking
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
