He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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