i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
