no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
