You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Randomize
