that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
