apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
He shit in the fireplace
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
