his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
