he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
