Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
