Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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