she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
