....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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