She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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