you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
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