I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
