So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
