If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
