Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
