In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
as a side note pls kill me
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