WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
