And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
