I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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