Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
He better not be in your backpack
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Randomize
