I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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