Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
