Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
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