my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
