could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize