I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
