good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
