therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I currently don't understand fingers.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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