careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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