we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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