it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
