Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
