I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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