If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
you told grandpa to call you daddy
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
