I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize