bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize