did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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