there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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