Well douche your snatch and let's go!
dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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